And suddenly she left.
“She’s out of her mind”, “She’s crazy!”, “What does she really want?!”, “She left him so unexpectedly!”, “She must have cheated on him!”, “She must be seeing someone else!”, “That other guy must be in the chips!” – Has it happened to you, too?
Everything seems so perfect from far away. Read HERE why our intuition sometimes fail us. Sometimes it happens that a woman suddenly says “I quit”. Some people might say “Hey! But they love each other! He’s so good, hardworking… and yes, sometimes he goes out with his lads, but it does not stop him from providing for their home, the car, holiday trips…” So, what is the problem? Usually the underlying reasons are not that obvious.
And then, she becomes more and more silent.
No, I am not trying to say that women in relationships are always flawless. Everyone, (with no exception!) has a guilty conscience. You might be offended by what I have to say, but I am writing this from a female point of view: what is important for myself and other women, too.
Of course, there is a male point of view too, but for some reason you are here to get familiar with mine.
I am writing this article for men, to flag a common problem. A woman who quits a long-term relationship becomes a more and more common phenomenon that I observe among my family members and friends. I had such experiences and thoughts, too.
It is obvious that there are two sides to every story. Sometimes it is about the personality clash. By this, I mean one’s temper, various situations that happened or a tendency for distinctive behaviours. For example, when both partners are hot-headed or have different mind-sets, preferences (like, when she’s a vegan, and he cannot imagine his life without meat), to name a few. Despite such differences many couples accept and love each other, and live in a happy relationship.
And despite that, sometimes women leave suddenly anyway.
It could be worthwhile to reflect on the reasons of such an unfortunate situation. Not only from your own perspective. Not from the point of view of others, including your friends’ opinions.
I could think of a few reasons why this happens.
1.Lack of communication.
You have a different outlook on partnership. Did you ever ask your partner how would she define a perfect relationship? What are her needs? What makes her happy? What does she want to achieve in life? It happens that one partner would like to talk through the above-mentioned matters, but the other one has no time, or does not feel like discussing things like this. Because such topics are not easy to talk about. You have to think things over, share your thoughts and be honest. But thanks to this, you learn about your partner’s needs, and she gets to know your expectations.
2. Disregarding needs.
Everyone was brought in a different family model, and it gives us a peculiar vision of a relationship. This shapes our personal, often varied demands. It is comfortable to put ourselves on the superior position and live according to our own rules. You might think that what you do is right, because you were brought up this way. Yet, everyone is different. Women are way more emotional. Whatever seems obvious to you, might be a mystery for her, because she takes a more touchy-feely approach. For example, as long as a new car or an adventurous holiday might be your priority, she would rather invest in her own development. When facing such extremes, you need to work on a common ground and a compromise that will satisfy both of you.
3. Lack of acceptation and support.
I know that sometimes you don’t understand her. Maybe because she is a typical house-wife who likes to stay at home, cook, clean up, look after your children. And you are a messy, outgoing lad who likes his DIYs. Both of you are different, yet you need to accept and respect those peculiarities. Judging and criticising will not help here. A woman might feel misunderstood, rejected and think that you do not care about her needs. You may not understand her completely at first, but try not to put her down. I know it could be difficult, but try your best. Support her, and do not put her off her activities. Thanks to this she will perceive you as a reliable person.
4. No compromises.
You have a dominant character. That is the way you are, you like to be in charge. But truly, you can only be in charge of your charger, whenever you decide to plug your phone in. You cannot boss around your partner, or any other person. You may think that you know best because you are older or have got more experience. Maybe you consider yourself the wisest. But it does not mean that everyone must agree with you and live by your principles. Let your girlfriend express herself: I mean, her feelings, emotions and her own say. And accept opinions that she has.
Imagine that you’ve had a hard day, you’re tired, and on top of that your boss got on your nerves. You come back home, and you need to take it out on somebody. You get easily irritated, snippy and very critical, and she does not know what is up with you. After a while you feel a relief, but she becomes upset, and the roles swap, now you do not understand what is wrong with her. You tend to say a lot when you are nervous, and words cut deeper than knives. Those words trigger us emotionally. Although you may not mean what you say, always think twice before you say something that could hurt your partner. Even if it seems trivial to you, it might be an ordeal to her.
6. And then she becomes silent.
Suddenly she stops annoying you with her niggles. She does not point out your flaws anymore. She does not start another pointless conversation. “So, everything is fine now” you may think.
But believe me, mate, it is the worst that could have happened to you.
When she becomes silent, it means that she does not care anymore. She does not see the point in talking with you, finding a compromise or fixing anything. She gave up and waits for the end. Or she planned “the end” and prepared a new life idea for herself.
And you will not make her care about you anymore.
I have always explained that, taking a glass of water as an example. See, a glass has its capacity. And the same happens with our emotions. If you keep pouring and pouring water into a fine glass that has no cracks to release surplus amount of liquid, the water eventually brims over.
And that is why she “suddenly” leaves.
Do you understand now that nothing happens “suddenly”, without a reason? Your friends can think that she left suddenly, because they do not know what is happening in your relationship. They only see the positive aspects of you as a couple and how you treat each other, when you meet friends for a drink. The reason why she has left you is usually a summary of various factors that have been accumulating in her for months, even years.
So, please: speak up and listen to each other, respect your partners, ask about their needs and support them.
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